Dear readers. If you thought that Anganga Che Chitekwe’s exploits would slow down mainly due to his advanced age, think again. Anganga Che Chitekwe always thrives to outdo himself. Last year, he launched a full-scale campaign to return to the Village Committee of Elders—a position he once held with much fanfare, questionable effectiveness, and scandalous results.
Allow me to take you back a little. Anganga Che Chitekwe served as the Chairperson of the Village Committee of Elders during what village historians now refer to as “The Darker Years.”
Under his leadership, the committee was less about guiding the village and more about guiding village resources into mysterious personal projects. Boreholes were sunk but never worked. A village hall was “built” but mysteriously collapsed before its inauguration. And let’s not even talk about the community goat project, where the goats allegedly vanished into thin air—or, more accurately, into private kitchens.
Then there was his band of ruthless boys, led by none other than his beloved aide James, who roamed the village beating and hacking, with panga knives, dissenters to his incompetent leadership.
After years of whispered discontent, the villagers finally decided enough was enough. Anganga Che Chitekwe was unceremoniously “retired” from the committee, with more of relief than regret to the villagers. His replacement, a sprightly middle-aged farmer, brought fresh energy, transparency, and—most importantly—no disappearing of goats.
Fast forward to today.
Anganga Che Chitekwe, now with one foot firmly planted in senility and the other in delusion, declared his intention to “return to service.” According to him, “the village is in crisis and needs seasoned leadership.” According to everyone else, the only crisis is Anganga Che Chitekwe’s desperate desire for relevance.
But here’s where the plot thickens: most people believe that this comeback is not entirely Anganga Che Chitekwe’s idea. Rumors—and very loud ones at that—have it that his aide, the tireless James, and Aunt Martha, his sharp-eyed, sharper-tongued wife, are the true architects behind this move.
You see, James and Aunt Martha have enjoyed the small perks that come from being attached to a “person of influence.” Special seating at ceremonies including funerals, the odd “consultation fee” when people sought Anganga Che Chitekwe’s “wisdom,” and the prestige of being related to the village’s most “senior” (and most disruptive) citizen. With Anganga Che Chitekwe out of the committee, their social stock has plummeted. And they are desperate to climb back up.
Thus began Operation Resurrection: James whispering sweet political strategies into Anganga Che Chitekwe’s half-deaf ears, and Aunt Martha organizing clandestine kitchen meetings plotting “the return of the king.”
Unfortunately for them, the village isn’t buying it. Even Anganga Che Chitekwe’s most loyal supporters and closer family members have diplomatically (and sometimes bluntly) told him to “rest and enjoy his sunset years.” One outspoken elder was overheard saying, “We have not yet forgotten the goats!”
Sensing defeat, Anganga Che Chitekwe pivoted with surprising agility for a man who needs assistance to stand up. If he couldn’t have the throne, he would anoint the next king. Enter his latest pawn: our cousin Mavuto, one of his eldest and favourite nephews.
Now, Mavuto—bless his clueless heart—is a newly retired civil servant who spent all his adult life buried in bureaucratic papers in the city. He knows as much about village life as a fish knows about riding bicycles. At Anganga Che Chitekwe’s urging, Mavuto has been “recommended” to take up the coveted seat on the Committee of Elders.
“He has administrative experience!” Anganga Che Chitekwe bellowed at a community meeting, while most of the villagers exchanged pained looks.
“He doesn’t even know how to milk a cow!” someone shouted from the back.
“Irrelevant! Leadership is leadership!” declared Anganga Che Chitekwe, thumping his walking stick on the ground.
The village, needless to say, is not thrilled by this second coming—or by this new Chitekwe Dynasty that he is trying to install. Whispers fill the evening fires: “He just wants a puppet!” “James and Martha will be the real chairpersons!” “Next thing you know, the goats will start disappearing again!”
Poor Mavuto, caught in the middle, has been seen looking increasingly bewildered, often mumbling, “I just wanted to retire quietly.”
At the last count, the elders were plotting an “emergency council” to block any such appointments, with several even suggesting they might amend the village constitution to introduce an age limit and residency requirement—both moves specifically designed to disqualify Anganga Che Chitekwe and his town-bred nephew.
And so, dear readers, the saga continues. Anganga Che Chitekwe may be slowing down physically, but mentally he remains as crafty, stubborn, and theatrically ambitious as ever. Whether trying to reclaim his old throne or planting his proxies in the corridors of village power, he refuses to fade quietly into the background.
Until next time, stay tuned for more shenanigans from the one-man circus that is Anganga Che Chitekwe.
