As a humble student of the Constitution, I feel compelled to advise Malawians on the curious legal gymnastics surrounding the Democratic Progressive Party’s choice of candidate, one Professor Arthur Peter Mutharika, hereinafter referred to as the Patient-in-Chief.
- Eligibility Clause: The Unsound Mind Loophole
Section 80(7)(a) of the Constitution clearly stipulates that no person “adjudged or declared to be of unsound mind” may ascend to the Presidency.
The operative words here are “adjudged” and “declared.”
Translation: unless a court has formally stamped your forehead with the words “Unsound of Mind” — partial deafness, immobility, or even permanent residence at Page House ICU do not count. You may, in fact, be one drip away from dialysis and still meet the Constitutional bar for leadership.
The law, in its infinite wisdom, has created a safe passage for the DPP: simply don’t take Mutharika to court. Presto! He is legally sound.
- Incapacity in Office: Section 87’s Fantasy
Should Mutharika actually win, Section 87 of the Constitution offers a romantic process for handling incapacity:
- Independent doctors must file a report,
- Cabinet must concur,
- Parliament must vote with a two-thirds majority.
In theory, this protects the nation. In practice, it requires three branches of government to agree that the Emperor has no clothes — a feat less likely than Malawian fuel queues vanishing overnight.
Therefore, the law is like an umbrella in a storm: technically present, practically useless.
- DPP’s Legal Strategy: Tiptoe Politics
The DPP has discovered the perfect constitutional loophole: illness is not illegality.
- Can he walk to the podium? Not required.
- Can he hear the crowd? Optional.
- Can he stay awake through a Cabinet meeting? Who cares — as long as no judge declares him insane.
This is not politics. It is palliative care with a campaign poster.
- Conclusion: A Campaign by Medical Bulletin
In summary, Malawians can rest assured: the DPP’s candidate is legally sound, if not physically or politically so.
He will not run the campaign; the campaign will run around his bedside. He will not carry the torch; the torch will be carried for him. And when the law finally calls for “soundness of mind,” the only sound we may hear is the gentle hum of a hospital ventilator at Page House.
Respectfully submitted,
Your Friendly Constitutional Satirist
(LLB, LLM, RIP DPP)
